Forrest Snape
by fish stix satay
Summary: first time fanfic. all about a character called forrest snape, come from my head. please read and review. chapter 5 up! any ideas are welcoome as i need them desperately
1. chapter one

A little background info for you all: Forrest "Snape" is a metamorphmigas, has left Hogwarts and is going out with Bill Weasley. Her parents are undecided and I will gladly welcome any ideas for future chapters. Sadly I do not own any of the following characters excluding Forrest whom is completely my own imaginations' crappy work. Read and Review

_Great!_ I thought. _Just what I need. Does that stupid pheonix ever shut up?_ I checked my watch and groaned. "Shut up Snivellus! It's not even dawn yet, can't I get a little more sleep?" As the pheonix song grew louder (I honestly couldn't hear anything over it), I grudgingly got out of bed and went down the 7 flights of stairs to the basement kitchen. As I ate my breakfast (Dried doxy wings and strawberries) the suspected murder of Peter Pettigrew and 13 muggles came in, Sirius Black (the one and only).

"Chit! Who the heck are you and why in Merlin's beard are you in my kitchen?"

He yelled at me.

I calmly put my spoon down, and a few more members of the Order came down.

" My name is Forrest, I was sent here on Lord Voldemorts orders to see what your having for dinner tonight, as he might be dropping by." I said this in a " what-would-be-wrong-with-that" type way.

" No really, who the heck are you and why are you here?"

" Forrest Snape, Severus's daughter." I held my hand out to several suspious eyes, all of whom didn't seem to believe me. I heard some footsteps coming down the stairs and in came the coolest witch I have ever met, Nymphadora Tonks.

"Oh hello Forrest, dear, how are you?" Tonks said, in her usual cheery way. "Didn't expect to be seeing you so soon, though."

"Can you please tell these people who I am, because they seem to think I'm here on Volemorts orders, to see what's for dinner as he might be dropping by." I got a disapproving look from Tonks. "The look on their faces was quite funny!"

She turned to the others. "Did you really think Dumbledore would have given her the address if she was working for You Know Who? I mean come on and get a grip, especially you you Sirius."

" If you're talking about Volemort, Tonks, then why don't you use his name? And grow up, or I'll commit my crime!" Everyone flinched at this threat, as they knew he wanted a reason for being in Azkaban.

"So your really Snape's daughter? He's never said anything about you. You don't look like him."

"Would saying that I was a metamorphmigas, and ran away from home as soon as I was of age explain anyth- Bill! What on earth are you doing here?"

"Erm, hi Forrest darling. Just doing some work for, uh, Dumbledore very important, hem, very important indeed." He said awkwardly.

"_Like?_" I prompted.

"Erm, ah, um, like English lessons for, um, Fleur- I mean, I mean, foreign recruitments?"

"Do you mean that Fleur girl that you've been sort of dating?" Sirius asked. The only answer was a stony glare from Bill. It took a few moments before something went click in my head.

Yes, I know this isn't great or anything near but please please PLEASE review. All ideas are welcome, and don't be too mean because this is my first fanfic


	2. candles?

**Airherlair, my fabby readers! Thank you very much to ME for FINALLY reading my story (after much force and persuasion from me) and for the ideas. Thanks also to ma petit for reading without my asking (you rock!), and to all my anonymous reviewers (sorry, but I cant remember your names) I'm very sorry if you're disappointed with the length of the chapters, if you have problems then you suck. Anyhoo, on with the story! Fish stix satay **

"We need to talk, Bill. Alone, for your sake" _did that sound threatening? I hope it did._

"What the hell would we need to talk about? Flowers?" _god, I swear that he's getting thicker and more pathetic by the second. Why the hell did I ever go out with him anyway?_

"As a matter of fact, yes. That Fleur girl? I want an explanation. We could do this here, in the kitchen, with an audience of your mother, your father, Sirius, Tonks, that miserable house-elf, Harry, Ron and Hermione. Your choice." _I wonder what he'll choose? The kitchen would be entertaining for everyone. But a little privacy is always nice. Especially when I'm feeling a little emotional. Lets say I can, well, get a little… out of control, magic wise._

"I didn't – you weren't – IT WAS ONLY TEMPORARY!" _Phuquing hell, talk about a hit below the belt._

"WHAT ABOUT ME?" I shout-asked_. Chit, my hair's changing. I hope it doesn't turn into snakes. Super social outcast. _"WHAT ABOUT ALL THE CRAP YOU SAID TO ME? ALL JUST FREAKING SENTIMENTAL DRIVEL, I GUESS!" _I don't know what happened next. Ha. That's a load of crap. Of course I know what happened. I turned the Potter boy into a fish. Don't know how. It sort of just went _flash, CRACK, floppety-flop_. I'm sure Molly or someone will fix him up. Shame I didn't get Bill. That would've made me very happy._

"What the _hell_ did you do that for?" Bill yelled. _God, all that stupid boy ever does is whinge. Honest to god, if he whinged any more, he'll turn into a whinge_.

"Do what?" I asked in all innocence. You couldn't blame me for what I did. To the Potter boy, I mean.

"TURN HARRY INTO A FLIPPING FISH!"

"Oh, that. I didn't mean to. You know that. I'd've been happier if it was you!" _was that spiteful? I hope it was spiteful. Spiteful is good._

_Hmm. I feel like fish._ _What a random thought. _"… absolutely sick to death of all your stupid bloody excuses For-"

"EXCUSE ME? I'M THE ONE MAKING FRIGGING _EXCUSES?_ well, sorry Mr. _'It was only temporary'_ so NOT an excuse." Tee hee. Lots of venom in that.

_Flash, CRACK, KER-THUNK!_ Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. I just turned Bill into a candle!

**yippee, I love suspense! **

**Should I:**

**a)burn Bill (the candle) to a smouldering nothingness**

**b)try and fix Bill and possibly apologise**

**c)forget Bill and kiss Harry or Ron. Or Charlie.**

**d) both options c) and b) minus apology.**

**any ideas would be much appreciated and could earn you a mention in my authors' notes (sorry if I've missed you this time, I will get you some day (hopefully soon!)). Now, go forth and review this story and tell me how utterly fabulous I am! MWAHAHAHA! Sorry, I have been eating highly sugary foods, and watching old Blackadder shows. Not a good combination. Fish stix satay **


	3. the talking fish

**Hello, once again. Thanks for all the reviews and your votes: Dragonfly 09, ma petit, Noelle Andrews, ME (I didn't need to harass you this time, the training must be paying off!), and anyone else who may have reviewed since I last checked my emails. I am more than likely to be boring the crap out of you with my idiotic ramblings, so on with the crappy story! Also, I do not own any of the following characters, excluding Forrest Snape (this goes for all future and any previous chapters I haven't said this for)**

_Flash, CRACK, KER-THUNK!_ Oh god, oh, god, oh god, oh god! I just turned Bill into a candle! What am I going to _do?_ I wonder if they've fixed the Potter boy yet? AAARGH! I've so got to stop getting so sidetracked.

Back to the matter at hand, What am I going to do about Bill? Hey, I wonder if he still smells as good as he did before? GODDAMN SIDETRACKING! Ok, I can totally do this.

I feel like some chocolate. I think I'll go get some.

**Some time later…**

"Harry, I'm _sooo_ sorry!" I said. I really was sorry. He still hadn't been changed back. "I really, really, _really_ didn't mean to turn you into a fish! By the way, what is it like to be a fish?" I had to ask. I'm sure everyone's wondered what it's like to be a fish at some point or another in his or her short, un-fishy lives.

"Well, Ferret, or Forrest, or whatever your name is, it isn't nice being a fish. Really, fish do feel suicidal. I mean, what can a fish do, other than swim around in circles all day? It's rather depressing, really. It feels like I'm not getting anywhere, just going in circles! And I stink of goddamn fish. When are you going to change me back?" I was hoping he wouldn't ask me that.

"Well, Pott- Harry. Would you like the long version or the short blunt one? The long one would be slightly time-consuming, but the short one would be quick and blunt."

"Hmmm. given my current, depressed state, I think I'll choose the longer one." Good choice, if I don't say so myself.

"Well, you see, my young little fishy friend, this story starts a _looong_ time ago. Five hours ago, in fact. Now, when Aunty Forrest gets angry, like she did with Bill Weasley, she sometimes looses her temper. And when Forrest looses her temper, she also can loose control of her magical powers. When that happens, All Hell can break loose. She can turn people into fishes or candles, and furniture into dragons and pixies. Sometime it's good, but sometimes it's bad. You see, young Harry, I can't always turn my victims, erm, I mean, oh, yeah victims is right, back to their original state, even if it is a simple spell, because I need the _exact _spell to turn them – or it – back. And, sadly my little fish, you can either wait until the spell wears off, and it could take up to a week, or risk being blown to smithereenies by me picking the wrong spell. Your choice, fish boy."

"I COULD BE BLOWN INTO SMITHEREENIES! What the hell is _smithereenies,_ anyway?" Have you ever met a boy that complains so much? He _asked_ for the longer version of the story, and all he's doing is _complaining_. Talk about frigging _gratitude_ problems!

"Smithereenies, young Potter boy, is a million billion trillion gazillion pieces of practically nothingness. Are you happy with that answer?"

"I don't want to be smithereenies! How am I going to go out with Cho, or any other girl, for that matter?"

"God knows, fish face. If you want, I could always try and get a goldfish eating dolphin to keep you company?"

**Yes, I know the story isn't that good, and I have left out the things that were voted for, but don't worry, they will be coming soon in some future chapter. GO SMITHEREENIES! Sorry, that was something I just had to say (yes, I do have a sad, insignificant wee life). Also, if I have confused you, Forrest is not Harry's aunty. I can't be bothered with writing stories with complicated things like that, as it involves too much brainpower! Anyway, review please, and if you have any suggestions, they would be much appreciated (e.g. who Forrest's parents are). The next chapter should hopefully be up within a month, unless I get writers block again, then its could be a few years. So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish**


	4. My First Kiss

**Hello to all my fabulous readers. I don't think anyone's reviewed yet, as I posted the last chapter fairly recently (well, for me anyway!) Thanks for any reviews, if I haven't got it yet. I don't own any of the following characters, excluding Forrest and Bert (in all future chapters, in case I forget). **

"Bill? Mum told me you were down here with Forrest, like arguing or something. Are you done? I just got back from Romania, 'cause Dumbledore said I could have the weekend off." A deep, musical voice called down the stairs. It was definitely a male. Who was in Romania? God, that voice sounds familiar.

Oh, crap. He's nearly in the kitchen, and Bill is still a frigging candle, and I have no idea how the hell how to change him back.

"Um, yes we are done arguing," _or at least, the yelling part_, I wanted to add. "Who is that?" who the hell is it? This isn't funny. The name and the picture of this person are there, like the jam jar on the top shelf in the cupboard, _just_ out of reach.

"_Forrest?_ Is that _you?_" the disbelief in his voice was really obvious. And - OH MY GOD!

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

**FLASHBACK**

It's my fourth year at Hogwarts. I turned fourteen two months ago, and now it's 12:01 am, Christmas Day. I am sitting in the Griffyndor common room, by the fire, writing out the last of my Christmas cards to my family. Hah. As if my father will care anyway. Maybe if I was in Slytherin, he'd care more. Not much, but take more note of my existence. But, if I _was _in Slytherin, then I wouldn't have met my current True Love. Hah, it's more like a major crush. I don't know what I'd prefer; my own father to acknowledge my existence within school grounds, and not have _this_ True Love, but perhaps some creep from Slytherin. Maybe I'm just a stupid schoolgirl, hopping from one Love to the next. If only they knew the pain they put me through, the agony of loving them in silence, never letting them, or anyone else find out my private little secrets. Maybe I'll leave a card for him. He usually goes home for Christmases, to visit his younger brothers, Fred, George, and Ron. Does he even know I exist?

_I hope you have a wonderful Christmas._

_Love, your secret admirer._

On a separate piece of parchment, I drew a pair of swans, necks entwined to make a heart. A gift for him, my perfect love.

"Forrest," I heard a voice say. A deep and musical, males voice. Oh why does it have to be _him?_ It makes my heart twist in agony that I cannot call him mine. How long had he been in here? "Isn't it time you were in bed?"

I could feel the colour rising in my cheeks. Oh, if only the godforsaken Head Boy knew the pain he caused me, by merely being in the same _room_ as me. "I was just writing some last Christmas letters, Charlie." Oh, I do so hope he doesn't ask to have a look at them. That would be the absolute end of my life.

"Well, I'm off to bed. Don't stay up too much later; we don't want you to have black circles under your eyes. It's a big day." He started to come over to where I sat. I quickly shuffled my papers and put the letter I was writing to my father on top. He bent down, and gently kissed my lips. "Christmas luck, Forrest." He whispered, as he moved his head away from mine.

I gently pulled him back towards me, and softly kissed him back. "Christmas luck." I whispered back. He went up to the boys' dormitory, and I sat in my chair, staring in a love struck stupor.

"Well, where's my kiss? Bill, Forrest?" You really can't help but feel sorry for Bert sometimes.

"Bert, what happened to that Bob Marley concert you were going to?" he had a strange fixation with reggae music this week. Last week it was country and western.

"Well. You see, it turns out that Bob Marley is, well: dead. It was sad, very, very sad."

**END FLASHBACK **

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

It's Charlie.

I haven't seen him for five years. He was my first kiss, from a male other than my father. Actually, did my father _ever_ kiss me when I was growing up? I mean, I sucked at potions, and only passed because he couldn't have any child of his fail the subject that was his pride and joy.

"_Charlie?_ Oh my god! I haven't seen you, like forever!" I wonder if he's still any good at kissing?

"Yeah, same to you. Hey, have you seen Bill anywhere? 'Cause mum said he was down here with you and Harry the fish. What did you do to him, anyway? Harry, I mean."

"Oh, long story. Involved an argument with Bill, and uncontrollable magic. And a story about dragons to comfort young Harry."

"And what about Bill? I don't see him in here. Nice candle. Where'd you get it?" AAARGH! This is going to take so much explaining. Out of all his brothers, Bill was his favourite.

"We-were-fighting-and-I-accidentally-turned-him-into-a-goddamn-candle-and-now-I-don't-know-how-to-turn-him-back-because-I-don't-know-the-right-goddamn-spell-and WHAT-THE-HELL-AM-I-GOING-TO-DO?"

"What? Slow down. I didn't get a word of that."

"Bill and I were fighting, because -" think fast, what did Bill do? I can't let him think that we were fighting because of that Fleur girl.

"Has anyone seen my tickets to the Elvis concert? Because I put them down, and now I can't find them. I'm taking Selma with me, and she's really excited!" thank god for all the Bert's in the world! I could almost kiss him right now. Nearly, but not quite.

**Well, I know its kind of mills and boons-ish, and if it is too much, PLEASE say in your wonderful reviews. Lets all clap like loonies, because this is my longest chapter so far (yay me! (But it's still really short)). I can't believe I just wrote such mushy, lovey, ooeey gooey junk. Almost enough to make you vomit, really. Anyhoo thanks a bunch for all the reviews, you fabulous people! **

**Fish Stix Satay **


	5. onions and garlic

**Thanks to reviews from Moi (please email me and tell me who you are if I know you, coz I'm feeling really stupid if I do), Ma Petit (thank you soooo much for all your reviews, you rock!) and any other people whom may have reviewed. If you're just reading, please review and give any ideas as they are much needed (getting a wee bit of writers block, which sucks and may take a few years for the next chapter…) anyhoo, on with the story that should hopefully be funny and sue me if it isn't! HA! Fish Stix Satay**

What a great reunion with Charley. There were lots of changes. One worse than all the others-- I don't love him anymore. Ah well, that's life and all that crap. There'll be someone else sooner or later. Maybe Bert… yeuck, no. He's gross! I don't think I could pretend to be excited about going to the concert for some dead guy. I think the disappointment of them not showing up would be too much for me. Not.

Hmm… I feel like onions. And garlic. I'll have an onion-garlic sandwich. Yummy.

Lets chop the onions, choppy, choppy, choppy. Crush the garlic, smashy, mulchy, mush. Put the butter on the bread. More butter. Mm-mm, Nice and thick butter on my bread. Now, back to my beautifully chopped onions. Lets grab those and sprinkle them ALL over the bread, and keep a nice and even all over it. And sprinkle the garlic mushay on the garlic and butter creation. Beautiful, mate.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

**After Forrest ate the onion and garlic sandwich, and before something went click in her head, making her realise that her breath now stinks of onion and garlic…**

That was one good onion and garlic sandwich. Ouch. Something just went click in my head. Oh no. Eating that sandwich was not the smartest thing I've ever done. Now I have the worst thing that you could possibly have when you are in a place with lots of other people. I have the dreaded Onion and Garlic Breath. I think I might go and see if I can –

"FORREST!" oh, merde. Why me? Bill is fixed or he's changed back or whatever. What am I going to _do?_ "WHY THE HELL DID YOU TURN ME INTO A CANDLE?" because I now think you are a stupid arrogant arsehole, and in all honesty I really don't like you so LEAVE ME ALONE.

"because you were being stupid and went out with that Fleur girl, and then you started an argument with me and you know I can't control my powers when I'm angry and just be extremely grateful I didn't burn you into a smouldering nothingness, because I would've liked to." Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say, but I don't care.

"Back off, halitosis girl! Your breath REEKS!" oh, knickers. I forgot how much my breath smells right now. I guess that's what you get for eating an onion and garlic sandwich.

**HAHA! This chapter will end here and this argument thingy-ma-bob may or may not be continued but I'm bored with it now. Anyhoo, thanks for any reviews and the great ideas I know you will try and give me! Fishstixsatay.**


	6. possums

**Well my little munchkins. Ideas come from the strangest places. They just go POP and voila you are there and typing away getting square eyes in front of the computer. This chapter was written with the help of my strange, blonde and ridiculously clumsy friend cheesiewheezies ("Slipknot rocks my wok," says me! Me being cheesiewheezies) we shall mention possums in this chapter-thanx to cheesiewheezies's geniousness, they have a special meaning to her and she has some great experiences with them. Fish Stix Satay- if you don't like this chapter sue me. HA! Also read the review from cheesiewheezies on chapter 5, very interesting stuff. Cheesiewheezies- Usher and Maroon 5 are C-R-A-P! (This is just my personal opinion no offence) so on we go my fellow comrades…… Fishstixsatay**

**P.S. don't forget those reviews they help and I really appreciate knowing what you think about my story.**

**A few days later…**

Well after my wonderful wee killer-breath episode I was relieved to flop onto my marshmallow bed and reflect on the past few disastrous days. Whoop de frigging doo. Now I have the joy of being hated by the second eldest Weasley, and I don't love my old love anymore. I don't think the killer-breath helped with Bill – he now makes an "x" whenever I walk into the same room as him and if he has to be in the same room as me for more than 10 minutes he pulls a bloody peg out of his pocket! Phucking hell! What's that weanies problem! God, I don't even _care_ anymore. He can just go and suck his brothers big, juicy _cock_adoodledoo goes the rooster out in the garden.

_I feel like chicken. Cluck, cluck, cluck goes the itty-bitty chicken!_

_Wait no… I actually don't feel like chicken I feel like sushi. I could eat my body weight in sushi._

_SHIT! The ovens still on! Ovens shouldn't be called ovens they should be called oovens. Like you say the o's in rooster. An ooven. O yeah right… SHIT! The oovens still on! _

Running and tripping over every possible object I quickly yet slowly made my way down the seven cluttered flights of stairs to the kitchen. It was r-o-a-s-t-i-n-g baby! Shimmy shimmy cocoa pops.

OH ---MY--- GOD! The ooven's on fire! What am I going to do! Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit _shit_! Ok, just think. How do you put out a fire? I could try that spell that Tonks taught me the other day, and she said there was some sort of explosive spell _really_ similar. Like, almost _identical._ Probably be best not to risk it, because with me being me I'm bound to do the explosive one.

GODDAMN IT! I just got another one of those clickey thingies. Everything is suddenly clear. I've just figured out what I need to do. I need….

WHIPPED CREAM! It's the solution to all fires.

Running towards the whipped cream cupboard (who doesn't have one!) I tripped over a pickled onion jar and found myself flying towards Sirius's antique lamp (yes he does own antiques) I found myself t-h-i-n-k-i-n-g and realised that this was the wrong time to think. I whipped out my wand and yelled the first thing that popped into my head…

"HOLY CHEESE GROWING FLOWERS"

Then I found myself hurtling towards a barrier of CHEESE GROWING FLOWERS! Now don't get me wrong I am usually quite the cheese lover but there is a time and a place and it was neither at this present moment in time! CRASH

What was I doing before this? I was going to the all-necessary whipped cream cupboard to get some… whipped cream! Why did I want whipped cream, anyway? It's so… _random._ I like that word. _Random_. Oh yeah, that's why I wanted the whipped cream. I was going to put out a fire on the ooven. OH MY GOD, THE OOVEN'S ON FIRE!

Hey maybe the cheese would work… I could put it in a bowl in the microwave and melt in the microwave for a while 5 minutes or so. Oh yeah but I'm rushing coz there's a FIRE!

**Later**

After I had dealed with the very small miniscule problem in the kitchen that no one needs to know about… A racoon got into the kitchen… hmm… yes… they're really creepy, because they have small hands argh! How creepy is that I mean…SMALL HANDS!

Well after the incident with the 'racoon' I thought that maybe I could actually go to bed. Going to bed is a very good idea. I haven't done that, since, well, this morning.

So, I slowly trekked up the seven flights of cluttered stairs, carefully tripping over every possible thing (again), and crawled into my bed.

"Goodnight, Snivellus. Don't forget to sleep in past dawn, you stupid rat with wings." I said to my little pet phoenix.

Sleep was just starting to take hold of me. I never new that my bed could be so comfortable. The soft, fluffy, squishiness absorbing my body like sinking into a big fluffy white cloud. S-l-o-w-l-y d-r-i-f-t-i-n-g…u-p- -u-p- -a-n-d- -a-w-a-y…

_Tap tap tap tappety tap tap tap……_

What in the name of Satan is that? "Snivellus? This isn't funny. You were just outside two frigging minutes ago!" I said, my voice groggy with half-sleep. I got a squeak in reply from Snivellus. He wasn't at the window? I went over to the window and pushed back the curtain and saw……seven little possums with their faces and creepy tiny hands pressed up against my bedroom window. Their big round eyes glowing at me like car headlights. Their small sticky fingers placed on either side of their faces watching, waiting, never blinking, never budging. They were FREA-KING me out.

"AAAARRRGGHH!" they were out to get me, I know it. All the small-handed creatures are coming! First the racoons, now the possums. What next? Squirrels and chipmunks?

Suddenly a plan began to form in my head. If it had been a decent hour then I would be thinking _look at the little iddey biddey possums! They are sooo cutesy wutesy! I want to keep them all! Awwww…_but then again they do have those freaky wee hands…

But this was an INSANE HOUR and I wanted some fecking sleep! So my evil plan for these horrible creatures that disturbed my rest formed. They need to die. I will lure them into my house…lock them in a small room until they starve and then…skin them to make NIPPLE WARMERS! It's a great plan I could make some mega bucks and get some decent sleep!

**Don't know what'll happen next, but what I had planned has gone out the window, up the spout, completely disappeared, gone, impossible to have happen. Put a random word in your reviews, and you never know, it could give cheesiewheezies or me a fabulous idea that will end up being 20 pages (knowing me, this will never happen but I could potentially do four pages of story with a good idea!)**

**No animals were harmed in the making of this chapter, (excluding perhaps a cat or two that had its tail stepped on) :) FishStixSatay and Cheesiewheezies ) **


	7. Inner Trees and the like

**Hey everybody! I'm SOOO sorry it's taken me so long to write this next chapter, but I haven't had any decent ideas for this fic for AGES. Anyway, here it is. This is dedicated to all the yoga lovers out there.

* * *

**

**Forrest Discovers Her 'Inner Tree'

* * *

**

**View from the Author:**

A few months had passed since possum nipple warmer episode (nothing really happened to that, a real shame too. She could have been rich AND famous.). It was a few uneventful, extremely boring "is it time to die I'm so goddamn bored!" months. The noble House of Black had been made worthy of living in a fair few months ago, leaving excess time to think. Too much excess time if you were to ask Forrest. But I wouldn't, if I was you – you'd be there for months listening to how unbearably boring her time has been here.

Well, if you have a few extra months on hands, what would you do? You'd learn yoga, that's what you'd do. So that's what the wonderful author told Forrest to do. And she rather dutifully did it, as the author could have her killed off at any time the author wanted, and replace her with Neville Longbottom. She'd mastered any breathing exercise, and became extremely flexible in the process. She was now up to one of the final stages – Finding Your Inner Tree. This was, of course, a very important step for her, as it meant she was near every Yoga participant's goal: the wondrous Self Actualisation.

**View from Forrest: **

"'_Think "tree-like" thoughts. Do the special breathing exercises as practised in units one through five. Breathe in – two – three- and out – two – three.'"_ what a lovely, calming voice. It really makes me happy to hear that patronising woman talking at me through the cassette player like that.

**Half an hour later of calming breathing and tree-like thoughts:**

Oooh… I am a tree. Oh happy sunshine! Glorious sunshine! Rain your beautiful rays of light onto me sturdy, strong leaves! Oh, the happiness!

"Harry! Darling! Why don't you come and find your Inner Tree with me! Its _very _soothing."

"Erm, I, err, ah, have to do that, um, thing for, um…"

"Codswallop. You can do that later. Now, be a tree with me!" and both Harry and Forrest stood on one leg, looking very stupid to the passer-by.

"Sirius, you can join me and Harry here too. Be a tree with us! Become One with your Inner Tree!"

"Meh, why not. Its not as if I have anything better to do with my godforsaken time." And then there was three trees standing in a row in the living room of the infamous Sirius Black.

"Lets let our leaves sway in the breeze… be a willow tree, swaying and swaying…"I said in a dreamy voice. Somewhat like the one on the tape. "Fred! George!" I snapped in a stricter tone. I changed back into the dreamy one. "be trees with us! Come, and find you Inner Tree! If we get three more people, we could have a wee tree colony."

"From looking around…" Fred started. Or was it George?

"…We'd say you already have one!" finished the other.

I simply shot them the most acidic glare I possibly could (I even changed my eyes from misty blue to vibrant green), and the two boys obediently stood in the appropriate Tree position. Very impressive if you ask me. But you probably wouldn't go around talking to girls who think they are Trees.

Within the next twenty-seven minutes and thirty-two point three five nine one seconds, I had managed to recruit Hermione, Ron, Bill, Charlie, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Snape, Victor Krum and Peter Pettigrew. It was any insane persons dream.

But my peaceful thinking time was rudely interrupted. You see, we'd run out of space in the living room, so we simply moved camp to the square of grass near Grimwald Road.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH! I think there's a bird in my hair! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! **_GET IT OUT!_**" Hermione screamed. Hmmm. She really DID look like a tree. If I was a bird, I would nest in her hair. Looks very… very nest-like.

"Congratulations, Hermione! You've just found your _Outer_ Tree! How does that make you feel?" that's another thing I've always wanted to know. Well, at least since I started this whole Yoga thing.

**Meanwhile, with Fred, George and Mundungus…**

"I'll bet you five galleons you can't find your Outer Tree!" Fred muttered out of the side of his mouth to George and Mundungus.

"I raise you to six." countered George.

"I say, eight galleons, plus a 'skiving snack box'." Mundungus said proudly, as if he'd solved the worlds hunger problem. But its not as if that's going to happen anytime soon – this is Mundungus we're talking about.

**Back to Forrest…**

After the dreaded Hair Episode, we all got settled back into our tree-like ways. Bert had joined in, but looked a little more like a garden weed to me, than a big, tall, strong tree. Ah well. I guess not everyone's cut out to be tree material. Meh. Not like I care.

**Later. A lot later.**

I was in charge of cooking the evening. I decided to go for a _naturale_ theme – stuff I'd grown in my nipple-warmer garden out back. So we had lemons. Lots of lemons. I like lemons now, they're fascinating things. "If god gives you lemons, don't be boring and say 'I like lemons, what else ya got?' take 'em to a lab to be scientifically analysed. If they're good, make pie." That's what I say. There's nothing like a good old lemon meringue pie **(a/n: if you don't know what lemon meringue pie is, don't ask me, coz I won't explain)** so we had lemon-tartar sauce, lemon meringue pie and lemon-scotch ice cream. With plenty of lemons. I think I might have a cheese theme next time I cook. Yummy cheesy goodness.

**Well. It's short. And it took a long time to come. But it is done. Another chapter. Now, push the pretty "go" button and write a nice wee review for me. And while you're doing that, you can also add this story to your "favourites", and make me happy. You don't want me to remove this, do you? It is under threat of being removed, as I am not getting as many reviews as I would like to be getting.**

**Pink Flamingo Girl (aka FishStixSatay :) )**


End file.
